I Will Always Have Running
Recently on a run I was listening to an episode of the Marathon Training Academy podcast regarding the topic of balancing running and life. One of the guests spoke about moving to a new country, quitting her job, but found running. Even though her life had changed she said "I will always have running".
Naturally this really hit home with me. For the last 5 months I have been without a job and yet I did not feel like my life had fallen apart. For some people, work is their life and when it is no longer there they are unsure of who they are and what their purpose is. Don't get me wrong, I envy people who have careers that are successful and that when they wake up every day, they are excited to go to work. However, I realized some time ago that there was more to life than work. Before I found running, I thought that the only way to be noticed at work was to work long hours. If you were the last one to leave work, it was something to brag about. This mentality lead to some really unhealthy behavior and unnecessary stress.
When I found running, I enjoyed the release that it provided. I could let my mind wander and I could enjoy being outdoors and not trapped in a cubicle. The first time my company let on that I was on the chopping block to be laid off, I realized that it did not matter how many hours I put in or what I did, I would never be appreciated or earn advancement. Surprisingly I found that it did not bother me. After being put on a project where I spent 12-14 hours a day dealing with a client who was verbally abusive and receiving no support from those on my team, I realized that none of that was worth jeopardizing the things and people I love. Slowly I began to set boundaries of what I would tolerate and what I would not. I made time for the people in my life and for running and found a balance that I could live with. Running gave me the confidence and ability to speak up regarding my worth.
Then after months of stress, I was laid off. While it was certainly hard to say goodbye to something I had known for almost 10 years, I am sure thankful that I had begun to separate myself from my company. Naturally I went through some emotional times where I struggled with the feeling of not contributing financially, but I still knew who I was and what I wanted from my life. I still had a husband, family, and friends that cared about me. I had running. I had something to wake up and do every day. I had a race to train for to keep me busy. I did not stay home and eat away my feelings or struggle with the unemployed life (and those those are totally OK too). Running has been the greatest gift I could have given myself these past few months because it is something steady and controllable that I have been able to do just for me. Running has let me take care of myself.
Five months later, I am starting a new job on Monday. I am excited to begin a new phase in my life. Even though it is scary and uncomfortable, I know I will be fine. I have running. That part of me is never going away. I will have to find a new way to balance this job with running, but I will never put it on the back burner or allow anything to interfere with a part of my life that I cannot live without. Now I can return to work stress free, confident, and able to let go of the hurt and anger that my previous job caused me. Someone on social media commented recently on how I was "glowing" and looked happy, and I truly believe it is because I am a much happier person now than I was a year ago.
I will always look back on this time with appreciation. I was able to "train like an elite"! I could run, eat, get massages, cross train, without any interference. I was able to run at any time of the day I wanted, and I experienced some amazing moments outside by myself. I will miss the quietness of the trail when no one is on it, and I will miss long walks with my dog. But I was able to watch the seasons change (including such a beautiful fall), take spontaneous trips with my husband without a care in the world, and enjoy Christmas with my family with no work interruptions. By focusing on the positive, I am truly thankful for this time and how it has made me a better person as I return to work.
Naturally this really hit home with me. For the last 5 months I have been without a job and yet I did not feel like my life had fallen apart. For some people, work is their life and when it is no longer there they are unsure of who they are and what their purpose is. Don't get me wrong, I envy people who have careers that are successful and that when they wake up every day, they are excited to go to work. However, I realized some time ago that there was more to life than work. Before I found running, I thought that the only way to be noticed at work was to work long hours. If you were the last one to leave work, it was something to brag about. This mentality lead to some really unhealthy behavior and unnecessary stress.
When I found running, I enjoyed the release that it provided. I could let my mind wander and I could enjoy being outdoors and not trapped in a cubicle. The first time my company let on that I was on the chopping block to be laid off, I realized that it did not matter how many hours I put in or what I did, I would never be appreciated or earn advancement. Surprisingly I found that it did not bother me. After being put on a project where I spent 12-14 hours a day dealing with a client who was verbally abusive and receiving no support from those on my team, I realized that none of that was worth jeopardizing the things and people I love. Slowly I began to set boundaries of what I would tolerate and what I would not. I made time for the people in my life and for running and found a balance that I could live with. Running gave me the confidence and ability to speak up regarding my worth.
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| The day I got laid off, but still had all the love in the world |
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| the first run of unemployment in my new office :) |
Five months later, I am starting a new job on Monday. I am excited to begin a new phase in my life. Even though it is scary and uncomfortable, I know I will be fine. I have running. That part of me is never going away. I will have to find a new way to balance this job with running, but I will never put it on the back burner or allow anything to interfere with a part of my life that I cannot live without. Now I can return to work stress free, confident, and able to let go of the hurt and anger that my previous job caused me. Someone on social media commented recently on how I was "glowing" and looked happy, and I truly believe it is because I am a much happier person now than I was a year ago.
I will always look back on this time with appreciation. I was able to "train like an elite"! I could run, eat, get massages, cross train, without any interference. I was able to run at any time of the day I wanted, and I experienced some amazing moments outside by myself. I will miss the quietness of the trail when no one is on it, and I will miss long walks with my dog. But I was able to watch the seasons change (including such a beautiful fall), take spontaneous trips with my husband without a care in the world, and enjoy Christmas with my family with no work interruptions. By focusing on the positive, I am truly thankful for this time and how it has made me a better person as I return to work.
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ReplyDeleteHeather, What an uplifting and inspiring text of not only self- worth, but moving on!Having experienced some of the same, you are a tribute to knowing your own value, despite of office politics and control.You have proven your worth to yourself, your husband, and "your baby", Autumn. Grand wishes to you at the new job and "keep on keeping on"!I can see that you will always value "the run"...
ReplyDeleteThank you and thanks for your support all these years. At least I can say that I met some amazing people at my previous company if nothing else!
DeleteSo excited for you, lady!
ReplyDelete